“This Father’s Day and Forever, Love Yourself Unconditionally”
To All Fathers and Father Figures Who Lovingly Care for Others Around Them:
“Happy Father’s Day”
Are you a father?
Isn’t it true that when your baby was born, your whole life changed? That the first moment you saw his tiny face and the baby grabbed your finger, he also grabbed your heart forever? Your life was never going to be the same again. You probably re-structured your life and learned to reorder your priorities, making your children the center of your universe.
Having a child gives you the opportunity to play and have fun, to run and climb, to re- read those books that you loved when you were a small boy yourself. But it also brings great responsibilities. That is why it is interesting to read that the University of Connecticut concluded that:
“Your Role as a Father is so Important”
Researchers who look to children’s mothers to understand the youngsters’ development are getting only half the story, says Ronald Rohner, director of the School of Family Studies’ Center for the Study of Parental Acceptance and Rejection.
A father’s love – or lack of it – is a critical yet understudied factor in child development, according to research by Rohner and his colleague Robert Veneziano, an assistant professor of social work at Western Connecticut State University.
Surprising Finding: “What we find surprising and new is that a father’s love is turning out to be just as important as, and sometimes more important than, a mother’s love,” Rohner says.
Fathers are cited more than mothers in issues such as psychological maladjustment, substance abuse, depression, and conduct problems, says Rohner, a professor emeritus. On the positive side, a father’s love provides a buffer against the development of these difficulties and can contribute to a child’s good physical health.
What We Learned as Parents
My husband and I had three amazing children. It was not easy for me to raise them because I was so sick with CFS/M.E. for most of their lives. I was really “running on empty”.
Of course, I had a wheelchair, but I couldn’t use it when my husband wasn’t around because I did not have the energy to lift or roll it. The truth was that my life was very limited. I couldn’t even walk across the mall for 14 years.
So my husband’s role in raising our children was fundamental. All my children were athletes. My daughter was a runner, my oldest son played high school football and my younger son played rugby. They were always involved in after school activities. My husband spent lots of time with them driving them to their events, watching them play and cheering them on.
I know that as a father, you are modeling for your daughter, how a man should treat a lady. You are teaching her with your own behavior that she deserves to be treated with respect. When you tell your daughter how beautiful she is, how much you love her, how well she did in school, how proud you are of her because of her accomplishments and the way that she handles her life and her responsibilities; You are in fact, building her self-esteem and the father-daughter connection that will last all your lives.
I know that as a father, you are modeling for your sons how to use their male energy, how to be supportive and respectful to women. When you tell your sons how strong they are, how handsome they are, how much you love them, how well they did in school, how proud you are of their accomplishments and the way they handle their lives and their responsibilities. You are in fact building their self-esteem and the father-sons relationship that will last all your lives.
My children know for sure, that their father loves them and that he is always proud of them.
As a father it might be more natural for you to hug your daughter and establish a heart connection with her. After all, she will always be daddy’s little girl.
Hey, just remember that your boys need your hugs too. My husband and I have instituted “group hugs”. So I grab my sons as they are leaving and I say: “group hugs”, then their father joins in and hugs them too. Your sons might resist it at first, if they are not used to being hugged all the time, just keep practicing and in time, they will get used to it. My sons are big young men, but even when they are 59 years old, or 99, I will still be hugging them and reminding them how magnificent I believe they are. I often, tell my three kids that they are my STARS; AND WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE A STAR? YOU SHINE BRIGHT!
So why do I say or do these things with my children? The simple truth is that I wanted them to have a happy childhood, completely different from my own childhood experience. But, it wasn’t until I studied EFT that I understood that while I always loved my children, I raised them from a place of fear and because I was so sick, I was also raising them from a place of desperation. I was completely out of balance.
As I always say: EFT is the only thing that ever worked for me and it really has helped me to be a better mother. I am more flexible in my thinking, more accepting, and more understanding.
We all know that being a good father is not easy, it requires a lot of your energy, your love, your work and your support. That is why I am offering to you the same suggestions that I gave mothers on Mother’s day.
(When I was making the list for mothers, I meditated on that list, and I wished that I had read a list similar to that one when I was a young mother, or even before I became a mother, because I believed that not knowing how to love myself unconditionally since I was a young child, contributed to the devastating illness that I suffered for so many years)
Being a father is a great responsibility, you have one of the most important and sacred jobs in the world, so how you nurture and take care of yourself is of the utmost importance because…
You want to father your children from a place of peace and love not from a place of stress, overwhelm and desperation
I want to suggest to you to put yourself first today and every day….by now, you are probably thinking: “What a selfish thing to do”, aren’t I suppose to do everything for everybody?
Well, what I learned in my own life experience is that a mother or father who wants to be healthy, balanced and centered would do the following:
- Love and Accept Yourself Unconditionally (Learning to do this is vital to your own health and happiness)
- Be gentle with yourself every day, and treat yourself with compassion
- Respect yourself so others would respect you
- Recognize that you are worth it. Own your value
- Set healthy boundaries, so you only accept to do what your heart wants you to do
- Learn to say NO
- Live a heart centered life
- Listen to your heart and your intuition (even if you are a gentleman)
- Take care of your mind and body (which includes adequate exercise, sleep and nutrition that your doctor recommends for your own unique case)
- Take care of your physical and spiritual needs first thing in the morning
- Heal your unresolved emotional issues and trauma with EFT. If you have tried doing EFT on your own and you don’t get results, consider investing in yourself and working with me so you can heal yourself and your life easier and faster
- Set aside some quiet time for you each day, even if it is just a few minutes to help balance yourself
Listen to the messages your body is sending you every day. Ask: ” what is my body trying to tell me?”
- Cherish yourself
- BE your biggest cheerleader
- Speak your truth and Speak up when you do not like or agree with something
- Live your life from a place of gratitude, it allows you to be open to amazing miracles in your life…
It really works! You can read more here: https://eftmindandbody.com/2013/03/25/the-transformational-power-of-eft-and-gratitude/
- Focus on your amazing qualities, and what makes you unique. For example, you can tap on the different energy points in front of the mirror and say:
- I am handsome, I am healthy, I am amazing, I am enthusiastic, I am flexible, I am shining, I am love, I am loved, I am happy, I am energetic, I am strong, I am powerful, I love myself, I love my body just the way it is, I am worth it, I am taking care of myself, I am allowing myself to achieve my goals!
- Do what gives you joy, have fun
- It is O.K. to ask for and receive help
- Buy yourself your favorite things, the things that bring you joy (tickets to the football game, or lunch with your guy friends, etc.)
- Treat yourself like an honored guest every single day of your life!
Please know that when YOU TRULY LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY and you take care of yourself, YOU ARE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN EVEN MORE and you are influencing their lives in the most benevolent way possible. You are making a difference, you are raising loving, confident and healthy kids!
Remember that, it is very difficult to give when you are running on empty, but when you take care of yourself and you are healthy, you have more than enough to offer your family and others. So Love Yourself and nurture yourself first, and then others will benefit also.
CELEBRATE YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE EVERY SINGLE DAY!
This is an important subject and this is a community where we can all share and learn from each other’s experiences.
I would love to know your answers to these questions. You can share with us any additional tips below. Thank you
- What has helped you to achieve your goals?
- How do you show yourself that you love yourself unconditionally?
- Are you living your life from a place of peace and love or from a place of desperation and overwhelm?
- What is blocking you from really taking care of yourself?
- Do you see the value in treating yourself like an honored guest?
- Do these suggestions give you some ideas on how to improve your life?
Thanks for reading our article “This Father’s Day, and Forever Love Yourself Unconditionally”
Much love, and take care of yourself,
Edith Howell, EFT Mindandbody Expert, Certified by Gary Craig, The Creator of EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques
P.S.If this EFT article resonates with you, please feel free to share it with whoever you feel guided.
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Edith, this was such a well-written article. I resisted reading it for the first day… I didn’t want to hear about fathers. LOL! After reading it, I forwarded it to my nephew, a new dad. Thank you. VERY well done!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with all of us here.
Your nephew is very fortunate to receive this empowering information early on in his life. It is very important for dads (and moms) to really practice loving themselves unconditionally. One way of doing that is healing all their unresolved emotional issues or any trauma they might have suffered in their lives so they really have fun with their kids.
I have helped women and men to heal their trauma even in cases of severe abuse.
It is never too late to heal your heart and your life. EFT is very effective with childhood trauma and abuse.
Much love, Edith Howell